Kenyan Safari

A Masai warrior overlooking the great plains of the Masai Mara. Conveniently his nikes are not in picture and he obligingly took off his hockey jersey to add authenticity.

KENYAN SAFARI

No this isn´t in Africa. Dan Morrison and myself in front of the famous Eilan Doonan castle in Scotland.

After making my flight out of Berlin only by the hair of my chinny chin chin, I had a brief fly-by visit to Edinburgh and Fort William in Scotland, where I caught up with a few friends, some old, like Dan Morrison who took me to see Eilan Doonan castle, some good mates from work in Brisbane, Dave Latimer and Matt Tilly, and some very recent friends including Zimgirl Shirlie whom I had just met a few weeks ago in Goa.

We couldn´t get in the castle (closed for the WINTER!!) but I did meet a young guy whose family owns it and he has his own set of keys. During uni he used to bring his mates (and many young females undoubtedly) back for a few drinks in arguably the best piss-up location in history.

My Scottish tour was followed by a few days in London where I met up again with Pat and it was from here that he and I were to depart for Kenya. Had a great time catching up various people during my little British interlude, saw a museum or two, went to Madame Tussauds, went to a pub or three; basically did all that Britain has to offer in about 4 days. The real excitement however (apart from seeing the wax model of Amitabh Bachchan) was of course to be awaiting me down in Africa.

An unexpected treat. Pat and I were stoked when we saw our old mate Bollywood superstar Amitabh Bachchan in Madame Tussauds. Supposedly he won an international poll as the most requested figure to be included in the gallery. No doubt some one billion Indians voted for him.

We arrived in Nairobi first thing in the morning and even at 6:00am, the place is typically African and buzzing with activity. We firstly had to tackle the gauntlet of safari touts and taxi drivers that descend like vultures on any incoming international arrival, it was then a drive through manic, logjammed traffic (not quite at Indian levels but getting there) with roadside giraffes and literal zebra crossings before arriving in some dive part of town opposite a landfill that turned out to be the site of our chosen backpackers.

Nice place as it turns out. Met some interesting folk including a young Aussie freelance journo called Rufus, who was investigating a conspiracy theory regarding the deceased Sudanese vice-president. Hmmm, yes, the Congo and Sudan I hear are lovely in the summer. The place was always pretty lively as well, a great place to have a few beers (Tuskers being the Kenyan favourite) but not the greatest place to try and do a runner from prostitutes as two charming dudes staying there with us found out. Pimps and their gangs eventually find a way past the big steel gate at the front and tend to make a helluva racket. Exciting times.

Get ready, this is the first of many lion shots...

Of course there is more to do in Nairobi than sit around at the backpackers and drink beer (although I believe Rufus managed to entertain himself this way for nearly a month - Rufus did you ever actually make it over the border?). Why, there's plenty to do in the city, for example you can spend hours dodging touts, milling about in shifty safari operators' offices, or you can generally just hang about trying not to get mugged. It wasn't really that bad however, generally felt pretty safe despite the "Nairobbery" reputation although it felt a little bit hairy when we had to get over $500 from an ATM at night to pay for our first safari, a 5-day trip around Lake Nakaru and Masai Mara.

A big fella with his harem in the background (the lion, not me. I can't get one female let alone a harem...)

A safari was of course one of the main priorities for our trip and Pat and I were both pretty pumped, particularly Pat having never been on one before. I however had been fortunate enough to enjoy a fabulous few weeks in Zimbabwe a few years previously, a wonderful opportunity that still ranks as one of the best experiences of my life. As a result of that trip, I had high super expectations of Kenya, being along with Tanzania, the safari capital of Africa. The thing is however, in Zimbabwe due either to its obvious economic turmoil or some understated Pichanick connections and generosity (i'm beginning to lean to the later - the Pichanicks were essentially my host family in Zim) I had been spoilt by enjoying the full five star safari experience in a private game park. Basically I can definitely recommend against going to Kenya with any such expectations when one is trying to stick to a budget.

Everyone's most hated dictator, Mr. Mugabe. Mind you his policies did allow me to enjoy a cheaper than average African holiday...

Essentially in Kenya it felt like I was paying three times as much for a third of the quality. That sounds a little harsh but for my $100 a day I had been holding out (completely unrealistically I soon came to realise) for some sort of lodge accommodation with transport in some plush landcruiser driven by a zooologist with 30 years hunting experience. Not too much to ask is it? Damn these economically stable (relatively) African countries...

Another one...

Suffice to say, such outlandish expectations were soon dashed when Pat and I were collected from our hostel in a 1987 model toyota hiace van (2WD of course) driven by guide Moses, a man of few words, and taken to our first lodgings at Lake Nakuru. Please not the term lodgings, not to be confused in any way whatsoever with a lodge. Easily confused with a concentration camp, or a cement igloo perhaps, but definitely not a lodge.

Rhinos. Just in case you were wondering...

Lake Nakuru national park was very impressive however, it is home to the largest rhino population in Kenya and also several million of probably its most famous residents, flamingoes, who give the entire shoreline a distinctive pink stain. We did see a fair amount of other game within the park but I´ll let the photos describe the the obvious rather than going into mind-numbing detail of every animal.

Flamingoes in Lake Nakuru. I don't think I've ever seen this many living creatures congregated in the one place. Except maybe in Delhi...

From Lake Nakuru we then headed to the famous Masai Mara, Kenya´s most famous national park. Along the way we picked up an extra member of the tour group, an American by the name of Kirt, who proved a most welcome addition primarily as it divided Moses´ wrath three ways rather than two. You see, Moses, although being a man of few words when it came to relating safari information, had plenty to say any time when either we were 5 minutes late for departure (or even 10 minutes early come to think of it), when one of us stood on the van seats to look out from the roof, or when one of us farted (I believe his exact words were "someone has spoilt the air"). He proved to be quite the hard taskmaster but a good guy overall without question.

Multiple lions!! Kill in the background and particularly cute cub next to mum on the right.

The ride to Masai Mara was hellish. One would think that, being Kenya´s primary attraction and all, the government might have spent a few dollars, shillings even, on providing a somewhat trafficable road to the park. Obviously Moi´s boys (the recently ousted and incredibly corrupt President) had better things to spend his millions on as the road could reasonably be described as a moggill run for cars. In fact (I wish I had a picture of this) the impossibly poor state of the road led to the amusing sight of several kilometres of completely deserted pockmarked tarmac stetching out ahead framed by continuous lines of vehicles trying to make their thoroughfare along the marginally smoother gravel shoulders to the sides.

Obligatory elephant shots.

We at last arrived at our lodgings in the park and I believe we were most priviliged to be the inaugural guests of this most splendid example of fine hospitality. I´m fairly sure of this as they were still building most of the camp when we got there, and by the looks of the quality and craftsmenship involved I gathered they had probably only started that morning. But as they say, Rome wasn´t built in a day...

Our own private bungalow...Well technically a duplex.

Things got even better when we managed to see not a single member of the ¨big five¨, or any significant game whatsoever on our first drive in the drought-stricken park (despite everyone telling us that there was no game because of the droubt, it rained every afternoon we were there without fail, forcing us into our room/shanty house early everyday). Now before I sound any more like a whingeing Pom, I will say that the whole situation was actually quite comical and enjoyable, the three of us were regularly amused at just how budget our trip could get and it actually made for a much more memorable trip.

Our mate Kirt overlooking the Mara. And below, a lion. A big one.

The game also got a lot better into the trip, we saw so many lions with their kills that by the end we would drive straight past completely indifferent as to whether we saw another or not. That´s the problem with safaris, once you´ve seen one or two of any particular animal, you might as well have seen a hundred, which is probably why I'm not waxing lyrical in gushing tones about all the great game we saw. That Noah guy had it figured out, gimme two of every animal out there and I would have been entirely satisfied.

Anatomy of a kill. They certainly get in there, 'twas cool to hear the snapping of bones and tearing of flesh.

There was this one time (not at the safari camp) however which was a pretty special viewing experience, we pulled up right next to a massive male lion who was lying in the grass immediately adjacent the road. We were all craning our necks out from roof of the van so as that our faces were no more than 2m from that of the lion. An awesome experience to stare into his eyes but I just about crapped my pants for the first time in months when he half pounced towards us and sent us squealing (me at least) and diving for cover. Great fun.

Below is our old mate who scared the crap out of us. Can you see me Ray?

Look, a giraffe.

The big difference I noticed from the tourist free Zim parks was that when we were on a drive, we weren't actually looking for tracks or hunting game, rather we were constantly on the lookout for the elusive landrover, the magnificent and powerful landcruiser, or the the omnipotent and entirely uninspiring toyota van, in particular those who hunted in packs and were congregated in semi-circle arrangement. Easily distinguished by their shiny white appearance and tendency to extend ultra-zoom lenses from their roof when excited, they are easily spotted due to their complete lack of camoflauge and can generally be heard from quite a distance away particularly if you are unfortunate enough to come across the irritating Dutch, French, or American varieties. Of course by just joining the queue of these ubiquitious vehicles, you are generally robbed of any special feeling of seeing an animal "in the wild", but at least you get to see a cheetah every now and then.

There would often be some 5-10 vans like this one crowding around a group of cheetahs like the ones below. And they were never shrinking violets. i.e. "Look Marge, it's a CHEETAH!!" at the top of their voice when only about 4m away from the poor thing.

We did also get to taste the highlife oh-so-briefly on a few occasions in some legitimate lodges and I definitely now know how I will spend a lazy US$300 a night that I might have lying about spare next time I'm in Africa. Alas we could enjoy the facilities for short time only by downing the odd beer and continuing Pat´s and my tradition of taking a dump in any nice hotel we can. We even got to use one lodge´s pool before being unceremoniously evicted despite our protests that Moses (who we naturally assumed must be a giant within the safari van-driving community) said it was OK. We didn´t have to pay at least...


Above: We saw plenty of old kills being finished off by the vultures and easily the ugliest bird on the planet, the Maribou stork. You would not believe how bad those things smell...

This river near the boundary of Kenya and Tanzania is infested with hippos and crocs. Thankfully we had a several rangers with AK-47's on hand to protect us.

Sadly, like all mildly enjoyable things, our safari adventure had to come to an end and typically Moses was there, hot on our heels to make sure we got away on time. We said goodbye to our very, very humble abode (they were still only just completing the dining wing off the grand ballroom - I think it was a subsiduary company of Multiplex) and then enjoyed another entirely unpleasant trip back to Nairobi despite the spectacular surroundings of the Great Rift Valley. They really need to do something about those roads...

More bloody lions. I told you you'd get sick of them didn't I? And this isn't the half of it. Pat took about 30 shots of every one he saw. Rookie...

Final preparations for the black tie dinner that evening. I think they're just making allowances for the dining hall chandelier to be put in place...

A few beers with Kirt at his much nicer hotel that evening and then it was off to the airport to collect Pat´s good mate Andrew who was flying to East Africa to join us for essentially one reason...KILIMANJARO!!

Til next time...

Ein Gutes Neues Jahr

Ein Gutes Neues Jahr!!*

The Reichstag!!

'Twas a great relief to finally land in Berlin Tegel airport after several hours of snow delay in Zurich (so much for Swiss punctuality and precision) and head for our nice hotel in west Berlin. After a week in Wengen, I was starting to get a little too used to these nice hotels (i'm still only talking 3 stars mind you) for my budget's liking but it sure was great to wake up to a fancy buffet breakfast, all salmon, fancy cheese and pat`e. Thankfully Berlin's attractions were enough to drag even me away from such a feast, this was a history geek's paradise afterall.

The royal chapel built by Kaiser Wilhelm, or his family at least. Those black stains aren't there to make it look archaic, the building was seriously burnt from Allied bombing.

First thing on the agenda was a walking a tour of Berlin's main historical sites, which are all primarily clustered together in the old East Berlin. I was nearly having an aneurism I was so excited walking around these places where so many earth shattering events have taken place. Started off on Museum Island, where some of the world's foremost collections (of art and....stuff) are held, the majestic old royal chapel which still has burns from Allied bombing, the remnants of the royal palace from where Kaiser Wilhelm announced Germany's entry into World War I and all this was even before we got into the Nazi stuff.

This was a highlight of the tour... We walked past a Begatti showroom, that's the fastest production car in the world right there.

We were soon standing in the square where Goebbel's orchestrated the burning of the books, and then walking past the site where the Gestapo building used to stand, Goerings Luftwaffe ministry building which is still in use (not by the Luftwaffe however), and the street where the enormous Chancellory building, the centre of Nazi rule once stood. It was AWESOME. We even got to mill about within the nondescript parking lot which unless somebody told you, you would never know was the site of Hitler's cremation and lies directly above his bunker. Incidentally the bunker has been filled with sand and permanently sealed lest it ever become a pilgrimage site for neonazis. Or something like that.

The recently completed Holocaust memorial (above) and one the few remaining segments of the infamous Berlin Wall still standing (below).

Amongst all this excitement we even had to squeeze in remnants of the Berlin Wall, Checkpoint Charlie (the most famous border crossing between the former East and West Berlin) and the recently completed Holocaust memorial, over two football fields worth of assorted square columns of differing heights. Quite frankly, I never quite understand the symbolism involved in such memorials. It was one of those "make your own interpratation" types, even the creator never gave a reason behind his design. Best was still yet to come as we gathered under the Brandenburg gate, originally built to celebrate Frederick the Great's victories and site of that night's new year celebrations, and finally it was over to the Reichstag, the impressive German house of parliament whose capture by the Russians came to symbolize the ultimate downfall of the Nazi regime. Frickin brilliant.

This side view of the Reichstag building is the same as in the famous photograph of the Russian soldiers hoisting the hammer and sickle flag.... I was excited at least.

Took me a while to come down from my history overload induced high but it was New Years Eve afterall and we had plans to hit the Berlin nightlife hard. All started well with our taxidriver, noticing we were primarily Australian, pumped up AC/DC to the max as we burnt around the streets of Berlin. However from there on, our plans to simply rock up to the Gate and find a nice place to eat before dancing the night away fell apart as it became apparent that some of the reported ONE MILLION other revellers gathered may have had the same idea AND may have actually reserved a spot at a restaurant. Soooo, after exploring some of the darker streets of East Berlin, dining on a fine serving of subway and downing a few beers from some street vendor, we rocked on over under the Brandenburg Gate ready to have a good time. And then it started raining.

Some of the one million revellers reportedly partying in the open that night. You can just make out the Brandenburg Gate behind the stage.

Still it was great fun despite the 3 inch deep puddle we were all standing in, and the half-hour struggle through the million man scrum to get a beer. Hell, even the homemade firecrackers that were exploding and whistling everywhere at random gave some air of authenticity as if we were really experiencing Berlin in 1945. That may be a bit of an exaggeration but still we all had a great time at least until we had to find a taxi home in the freezing cold.

Good times at the party. Notice how my head appears to be at least 3 times as big as anyone elses. No wonder no damn hat would fit me in Tibet.

As our time was short in Berlin there was no rest for the historically eager and so (following another delicious breakfast) we headed back to into town the next day to check out Museum Island, in particular the world famous Pergamon museum, home of amongst other things, the original and almost fully reconstructed Pergamon Temple and the Ishtar Gate, entrance to Ancient Babylon. Very impressive. I had heard about a Russian-German museum that concentrated solely on the conflict between these two nations, and managed to convince Tim and Pas to come with me. It was a wee little bit out of town. Thirty odd euros later, we found ourselves way out in the burbs and the "museum" looked essentially like a regular house with a slightly bigger yard, although this yard did have several tanks lying about. Furthermore the first thing we discovered was that all the displays were in Russian and German only. Hmmm. Was still interesting without the commentary but it got a whole lot more impressive when we came across a balcony looking down on a room that looked strangely familiar to me. Seems I still remember all those history docos I watched in school as I was actually looking down on the room in which the Allies took the official surrender of the German forces in May 1945, left untouched and exactly as it was that day.

World War II ended in this exact room...

Another real highlight was a big night out we had in a proper German beerhall. All dark ales, saurkraut, and schnitzels. Mmmmm.

Had one last day to myself in which there was still much to see and required military precision and planning. Up first was a bunker tour, a quick walk around the flak tower, the only remaining piece of infrastructure built by the Nazis still standing (something about its 4m thick concrete walls made demolition difficult), then it was off to the Soviet memorial, a massive statue standing on mound under which over 5000 Russian soldiers who died in the capture of Berlin are buried. Then it was off to the Topography of Terror exhibit on the old Gestapo site and finally it was to the impressively designed Jewish Museum. This bit of symbolism I did get as the whole building resembles a shattered Star of David.

The flak tower that remains standing in a part of town I can't remember the name of....

Down below on my bunker tour. Great shot I know.

Phew. My historical curiosity somewhat satiated, all that was left was to head to a hostel and bunk down early for my 7:00am flight the next day. Unfortunately my plans were dashed when I noticed that there was a piano in the common room of the hostel that I desperately wanted to play having not seen one for several months. Of course I wasn't going to as I didn't want to look like a tit by just waltzing on up there, but as it happened, there was one such brave soul who could play but was unable to satisfy the many requests thrown at him. Well, I figured I'd get up and have a bit of a tinker, I did afterall know a pretty bastard version of both American Pie and Pianoman. Hmmm, 4 hours and 9 beers later I was still up there lapping up the applause of the very easily satisfied (and drunk) audience. It seems that Canadians in particular have never heard a decent piano player as they thought I and my particularly sketchy version of Everything I Do, were brilliant. So no bedtime until around 3:00am.

The huge Soviet memorial. The soldier depicted above is carrying a huge broadsword and a child whilst standing on a crushed swastika.

The next morning I obviously slept straight through my alarm but I do believe I may have set the record for the latest sleepin whilst still making my flight. Woke up at 6:10am, was out the door and on a bus (in sheer terror) by 6:15, at the airport by 6:35, and on the plane ready for takeoff by 7:00am. Never in doubt really.

*(By the way, Ein Gutes Neues Jahr!! is German for Happy New Year if you hadn't figured it out yet.)

Swissmas

SWISSMAS

This entry, particularly coming on the back of my last one, will be mercifully brief (at least comparitively) I assure you, primarily because the week we had in Switzerland over Christmas was not all that eventful. Perfect in every sense and the greatest week of the entire trip, if not my life, but nonetheless fairly uneventful so far as quirky or interesting stories are concerned. Furthermore, the few people who may still be reading have probably all been to Europe at some stage and I doubt that I would be shedding any new light by documenting my feeble observations of the continent.

It was often hard to keep your eyes on the slopes while skiing...

Basically the place, being Switzerland, is perfect. After a month of chaos in the sub-continent, it was quite surreal to arrive in Zurich airport, all shiny and sanitized, like the set of one of those futuristic society films. I was still in a bit of daze after not sleeping much during the previous 72 hours but this was Switzerland and they've pretty much taken the thinking out of doing anything, it just seems to happen. I knew that I needed to get to Wengen, a ski resort town at the foot of the Eiger and Jungfrau mountains, but other than that I was a lost child. Somehow in my zombie like state however, I followed the signs to the train station downstairs, was given a ticket (by a woman who was fluent in at least 4 languages) with an accompanying instructions printout directing me step by step to Wengen, and then I found myself on the comfiest and fastest damn train I've ever been on in my life, which left at the exact time that it said it would. Oh, and I was also $80 lighter, the phenomenal cost of public transport being another interesting but slightly less welcome discovery of Switzerland's many attributes.

The town of Wengen.

Two hours later, I was in heaven. Was met by Tim, Jonno Samson and John "Racket" Fitzgerald (all ex-cromwell boys), at the Wengen cograil station and taken to our humble abode, a frickin chalet with all the trimmings. I tell you it was like walking through Narnia, all snow on the pine tree branches and sloped rooves, with majestic snow-capped mountains all around us. Basically just snow everywhere. Stunning.

The crew...

Had a great crew in our large house that week, Pat of course was there and the full complement of 10 was completed by Jeanette (Jonno's wife), Marielle (Racket's wife-to-be...?), Linda, Jen and Pascalle. A fantastic addition to this was the fact that Pat's parents, James and Kathy, arguably the coolest parents you'd be lucky enough to meet (apart from my own of course, got to keep my number one fans and only regular readers happy....), were staying in a resort just up the hill. The company of others on top of Pat and Tim was a most welcome addition and really made for a special week.

Me, Pat, Kathy, Jim (Pat's parents) and Tim hitting the slopes.

Was a dream fulfilled to finally have a proper white Christmas, and it lived up to all expectations. Enjoyed a fabulous roast turkey lunch provided by our resident culinary experts (many thanks to Jonno, Marielle, Kathy, Jeanette, Pas, Linda, Jen - everyone pretty much except the boys- being the primary contributors all week) and followed it up with a monster present giving session where I no doubt took out the award for most impractical, useless and unappreciated presents with my leopard print underwear for Racket (from India), a red rope hammock for Jonno and Jeanette (also from India), and "Tiger Eyes", a ladies deodorant endorsed by Bollywood superstar Shah Rukh Khan, again for Racket (again from India. I thought it was for men). It was then time for another impromptu singalong (put it away....) which I at least found a whole lot of fun, before sitting around watching movies, eating chocolate, playing trivia etc. Basically heaven.

The view from our window (above) and the view from Pat's and my loft (below). Very cosy.

From then on everyday was pretty monotonous really, you know, just getting up each morning and skiing in the Swiss alps all day before then coming down to enjoy a fabulous meal provided by the aforementioned inhouse chefs all washed down by some fine 12 year old single malt whiskey. Ho hum.

The massive gondala (above) that took us up the mountain each day and presented us with the view below. Magic.

The skiing was obviously fabulous even for one such as I with my vast experience of both front and happy valleys in Perisher Blue. A nice change indeed to have runs lasting longer than a few minutes, some of the runs even ran all the way from the top of a mountain all the way down to the bottom and required you to catch a train back to start another run. One of these, the Eiger run, was great fun to ski down with Jonno on the toboggan who could at least keep up the skiiers, unlike those slowpoke snowboarders. Best thing however was being able to ski all the way down to our door at the end of the day.

The famous south face of the Eiger (a notoriously difficult climb) and below, a very sad day as we departed our shangri la.

Alas, our heavenly and all things considered, affordable sojourn in the Swiss Alps had to come to an end as all good things do. After seven wonderful days we said goodbye to our chalet and Jim and Kathy, and headed back to Zurich for our flight to Berlin in time for New Year's under the Brandenburg Gate.

Some views of beautiful Lausanne including the 750 year old bridge below.

Had a nice little stop in Lausanne on the way, but even the prospect of a few days in a history geek's dream city of Berlin couldn't remove that little ache in my stomach that longed to be back in that winter wonderland. A cheeseburger from my beloved Mickey D's in Lausanne helped a little but it's still there and I imagine it shall remain for quite some time...

The famous lion commemorating the death of numerous Swiss Guards in the service of the French royal family during the French Revolution. I believe this event marked the beginning of Swiss neutrality. Below is just another typically beautiful shot of a Swiss village we passed.